Fight or flight

Red-in-the-face

I was recently in what might be called "a teachable moment." Not the kind where I teach my kid, but the kind where there is obviously something I should learn from the situation, even as my frustration is reaching red-faced proportions.

The question I kept asking myself, while I tried to keep my fool mouth shut, was "is this situation trying to teach me to be less sensitive or is it trying to tell me to start running and not look back?"
In other words, "toughen up, buttercup" or "get out while you still can?"

I spent that entire night alternating between sleeplessness and nightmares.  Am I really that thin-skinned?  And is that a bad thing?

I put the situation to the gut test.  As I wrote in "Discerning God's Voice":

I listen to my gut.  Literally.  When something is amiss, I get cramps.  When I am following my "call", my digestive tract feels fine.  Checking in with my physical reaction helps for small daily decisions (Should I return that phone call?  Should I respond to that Facebook post which upset me?), but also for larger decisions.

When I talked to a friend about quitting this program, there were several instructive pieces of feedback.  First, my gut felt better about quitting the program than staying with it.  Second, my guilt about quitting yet another thing was trumped by my gut.  (I was going to link to my blog post about quitting, but it appears that post is still in draft form and I haven't published it yet.)  Third, my friend was there during the situation where I was about to come unhinged and she thought the experience was wonderful and motivating.

All that led to the answer: Get the hell out!

And in case I hadn't received the message, as I was talking to the head of the program about my need to quit, he asked me to reconsider.  He thought that maybe I should just dive deeper in.  I told him I would prayerfully consider it.  And then I spend the next 24 hours in excruciating pain due to stress cramps.

Yep, time to change course.