Sitting with God

As much as people seem to think I'm a great pray-er... I'm pretty horrible at routine prayer.  I can pray spontaneously for someone, if asked to.  I can remember to pray for someone at a set time (while they are at a doctor's appointment, an interview, or doing something difficult).  I can pray to God when there is something specific I want. But remembering to pray or mediate or just "hang out" with God?  Not so great.

Right now, I don't even have an excuse of being busy or having a full schedule.  I have plenty of time for daily time with God.  I can't even explain why I don't.

So this morning, I did two things.  I made up a daily "chore" list for myself.  It includes sifting the cats' litter box, doing sit-ups, and praying.  I then went through the list.  I saved praying for last.  Or maybe procrastinated prayer until last.

I sat down.  I told God my intention:  "I want to sit with you.  I want to listen to you.  I don't even really have any questions that I want answered today, although I always have questions for you.  Let's see how this goes."

The successful part of this story is that I didn't fall asleep.  I thought about sleep, and my advice to people who are just starting mediating... what would I say to someone who is just trying it for the first time if they keep falling asleep?  I would say, "Fine.  Maybe what you need now is to sleep every time you try to mediate.  It means that you're actually relaxing into God."  But, what if napping becomes the habit instead of mindful prayer?  What about the needs of the present versus the needs of the future?

Our present needs and the greater-picture needs are intertwined.  We can look at them independently, but they are connected and enmeshed.  Similarly to the prayer versus action continuum.  They work together and are both an integral part of our lives.

So, that's what I thought about as I attempted meditation or sitting with God.  Maybe next time, there will be fewer thoughts and more peaceful quiet.  Or maybe not.